My Newborn Must-Haves (that I wish I'd seen on other lists)

I love research. Scouring the internet for information and lists is what I do best, which is why I probably read a few dozen newborn must-have lists before Emmy was born. You've got the classic parenting website list with things like "a carseat" or "a crib" on the list, as though you didn't know the law or that babies eventually need somewhere to sleep. Then you've got the typical trendy list on a mommy blog with things like swaddle blankets and some over-priced European brand bath toys. The things I stocked up on per these suggestions have not turned out to be what I truly needed as a new mom. I know every baby is different, but since I love a good list, here are my newborn must-haves in no particular order.

A Baby Carrier

The months after a baby is born is nicknamed the fourth trimester for a good reason. Your tiny human has just spent her entire life hearing your heartbeat and being carried around. It's no surprise then that many newborns don't enjoy being set down, even for naps. Within the first week of Emmy's life, I realized that holding her on my chest for the entire day wasn't going to work if I wanted to clean the house, do dishes, or even eat a meal. Luckily I had fallen in love with the Modern Wrap long before Emmy was born, and so I was able to tie the wrap on and then pop Emmy into it as soon as she fell asleep. You'd be amazed at how good you get at squatting super low to avoid leaning forward when you're doing tasks around the house.

After about a month, Emmy began to get too heavy for me to carry her for long periods in the wrap, so we upgraded to the Lillebaby All Seasons carrier. This carrier is perfect for when your baby is ready to have her arms and legs free. I know there are a ton of carriers out there, but we went with the Lillebaby because it works from birth to toddler age without any additional inserts. I love how easy that is! Lately I've been eyeing Wildbird.co Ring Slings, so maybe I'll be adding one of those to my carrier collection soon. Use around the house is wonderful, but I also enjoying wearing Emmy when we go out. For some reason, people have no personal space when it comes to babies. When you have your baby against your chest, people would have to get uncomfortably close to you to get in your baby's face, so it's great for keeping germy strangers away. No matter what type of carrier you choose, I have found it to be an absolutely must-have for a newborn.

The NoseFrida

Although this item is pretty widely known for it's effectiveness, I refused to buy a snot sucker. I know there's a filter, but the idea of sucking snot out of my baby's nose disgusted me. That is, until one night when I woke up to hear Emmy breathing loudly through a very stuffy nose. Bulb aspirators did nothing, and eventually I caved and combined a steam in the bathroom with a NoseFrida. I placed one side in my mouth and lined the other up with Emmy's tiny nostril, and like magic, the gunk came out and she was able to breathe. I would think a baby would hate this feeling, but I think Emmy knows I'm trying to help her because she stays very still and then grins after. No matter how gross sucking snot sounds to you, buy the NoseFrida before you actually need it.

The Windi

Along that same line, and by that same company, you should have the Windi on hand. Without going into too much detail, this product seems pretty gross but is an absolute miracle at helping your baby pass gas. Babies tend to get pretty gassy in the first few months because their muscles aren't strong enough to handle the job all the time. Emmy is a pretty happy baby, but one day this week she was miserable. I tried feeding, changing, rocking, walking around, bicycle kicks, gripe water, and basically anything else I could think of, and yet Emmy continued to fuss with a pained look on her face. One look at her tummy and the cause was clear. By the afternoon, she had been awake and fussy for hours and I was also in tears from spilling 4 oz of fresh milk when trying to hold her and get her a bottle. I finally broke down, called Dan, and asked him to come home early and to buy the Windi on his way. In mere seconds with the use of the Windi, Emmy went from miserable to her normal happy self. Once again, no matter how gross it sounds, buy the Windi.

A Wipe Warmer

If you're like me and interested in saving money, you'll commonly find a wipe warmer on a list of things you don't actually need for a baby. I beg to differ. For the first few days, we didn't use a wipe warmer, and Emmy would let out a cry out of shock every diaper change. She wouldn't stay upset for long and has generally always liked changing time, but when you want to change a diaper without fully waking up your baby, undressing them and then touching them with something ice cold isn't a great idea. Our first solution was to simply hold the wipe between our hands for a minute before using it, but that minute seems like an awfully long time when you're hoping your baby will wait until a new diaper is on before making a mess. When my mom ran to Babies R Us to pick up all the other things I didn't think I'd need (bottles, a bottle rack, steaming bags for said bottles) I also asked her to get a wipe warmer. I wasn't sure how a warmer would work with cloth wipes, but it's perfect, and this warmer also has a nightlight, ideal for midnight changes. We got ours for about $10 with a combination of coupons, so it's really not a huge investment. Save money somewhere else and buy your baby a wipe warmer.

A Baby Monitor

This is another item that many people will argue is unnecessary, especially if you live in a single story home. If anyone could do without a monitor, it's us. We live in a house that's about 1,000 square feet so we can get from one end to the other in five seconds flat. The reason I love having a monitor so much that it made this list is that I don't want to wait until Emmy is crying to pick her up. It must be pretty scary to wake up all alone when you fell asleep in someone's arms, so as soon as she starts to wiggle and doesn't settle back down within 10 seconds, I know it's time to peek in on her. If her eyes are open and she's starting to bop around, I like to pick her up and snuggle her as she fully wakes up and then have a bottle ready before she's wailing. If you're okay with either constantly checking in on your baby while she naps or letting her cry to signal it's time to pick her up, then you can cross this off your list. For me, a good video monitor is essential.

I'd love to hear your newborn must-haves, so leave me a comment with your thoughts.

Lessons From Emmy

I've been writing this post in my mind for over a month now, basically since the first few days I spent with Emmy on the outside. As a planner and someone who likes things a certain way, becoming a mom has been quite a change. From my baby arriving 9 days late, to challenges described below, life has been a bit different from the way I pictured it. Amazing, but different. I thought about various ways I could structure this post, and in the end, what you'll find below is simply paragraph length clips of our first weeks with Emmy. Think of it as me journaling some things I'd like to remember. These confessions are deeply personal, so read on only if you have a gentle, understanding spirit. Otherwise this is not for you.

Rose-Colored Glasses Aren't Flattering Anyone

Having a baby is hard. I don't just mean the physical act of pushing a baby into the world, which will be a post all on its own. No, I mean those first days, weeks even, when you suddenly realize that everyone with children deceived you. Everyone tells you it will be hard, but nobody accurately captures how terrifying and exhausting it really is. You go from being pregnant, napping whenever you want with no guilt, eating which automatically feeds the baby, taking a dozen "last date night for awhile" dates with your man, to suddenly being more physically drained than you thought possible, having the worst cramps of your life, and being responsible for a tiny person who depends on you for everything. Add in crazy hormones and it's pretty much the hardest thing in the world. Now, I can see why people want to sugarcoat that fact. First, no one would have kids. Second, it doesn't last that long, and much like childbirth, the pain fades and you forget. But I wish someone had warned me, truly warned me, that I would need help. I felt like a failure and wondered if I was cut out to be a mom for that first week because no one had told me it's normal to feel like you don't have a clue, and to wonder if you were doing things right. Like I said, that does fade, but now that I know, I'll be that friend who brings over meals and holds the baby for a few hours just so the mom can take a shower and sleep for more than 30 minutes. Let's stop hiding behind perfect pictures of napping newborns on Instagram and admit that becoming a parent is overwhelming. Thankfully the love you have for your new baby is equally overwhelming and makes it all worth it.

Your Best Might Not Be What You Planned

I'm hesitant to even write this because it's still painful, but when I was pregnant, I was so sure that I'd nurse my baby that I was too proud to have formula, bottles, or pacifiers on hand. It's got to be the most natural thing ever, so why would I need a backup plan? When Emmy was placed on my chest immediately after birth, it didn't take long for her to start rooting. She got right in place and looked like she was going to latch, but she couldn't seem to get a hold. Hours later, nursing continued to be a nearly impossible struggle. She'd latch, gum on me for awhile in such a way that I wasn't sure she was getting any food, and then she'd fall asleep again. First we tried hand expressing and spoon feeding, but after realizing that wasn't going to be enough, I asked my mom to run to the store and get formula. At that point, I didn't care that "breast is best" or any of the other nonsense I'd let myself believe when I was pregnant. In the end, when you have a hungry baby in your arms, feeding them is best. We later found out that Emmy had a tongue tie, and even after a revision, she has never had a successful latch. It's taken a lot for me to accept that she may never nurse. It was a hit on my pride as well as my dreams. Today, at her one month appointment, we found out Emmy is in the 85th percentile for length and weight. Maybe I had to change my plan and give formula before I was able to pump and bottle feed as we are now, but hearing how healthy she is and how well she is growing is my new pride and joy. All that matters is that you're doing your best for your baby.

You Can't Account for the Postpartum Hormones

Although I have nothing but praise for the birth center where I delivered, there is one thing I'd change. I went into labor around 10pm and labored all throughout the night, delivering the next morning. Then I was awake all day with my newborn, and discharged that afternoon. The theory is that when you sleep, you should be home to sleep so you can really rest. Well, when Dan and I arrived home with our tiny baby, we were deliriously exhausted and starving (I vaguely remember trying to eat spaghetti while holding Emmy). Once we had eaten, it was time to get that recovery sleep. Great idea, right? Except when we tried to sleep, I realized that I couldn't put Emmy down. The very idea of Emmy not being in someone's arms made me panic and rest wouldn't come. You see, my plan was that Emmy would sleep in a bassinet by our bed, and I had never considered that I might not be thinking rationally after giving birth. My amazing mom came over to stay with us and she, Dan, and I took shifts for five nights so that Emmy was always held. Call me crazy, but that's what I needed those first few days. Now Emmy does sleep in her bassinet, but it was gradual and I had to wait until I was ready.

Love Takes on a New Dimension Anyone who has children will tell you that they never knew that level of love existed. I loved Emmy from the moment I saw her tiny heartbeat in the ultrasound, and while that love grows with every smile, coo, and midnight feeding, I expected it. What completely caught me off guard is that I now love Dan in a whole new way. Having his support during labor when I was sure I couldn't do it, and the look he gave me the second Emmy was born opened up a broader spectrum of love. Dan was simply made to be a dad. He changes diapers (we're using and loving cloth by the way), gives bottles at 4am, reassures me that I'm an amazing mom, and tells me I'm beautiful when I'm wearing the same sweatpants for the third day in a row. I'm so thankful for the man he is, and while I was already completely crazy about my husband, I'm now also in love with him as Emmy's dad.

If you have children, you probably relate to this post. If you don't but you're thinking about it, I hope I haven't scared you away. My biggest advice to any expecting mommas out there would be to recruit help, go easy on yourself, and when you feel like you can't possibly function you've had so little sleep, listen to all those country songs about how time flies, have a good cry, and then snuggle that baby.